inner vision

image of me

this thought demands i protect myself, algorithms that alter brain chemistry, clean clothes on a dirty body, things poking out of things, all of it collapsing suddenly giving the appearance of unity, uncomfortable shoes, cold blooded creatures, when we took off the shell all you could see was this soft material, the places where there once was a form of attachment, a muscle designed to cling, everything touching everything all the time, levels of friction, sounds as a result of critical mass, egg clutch, body parts as integral extensions of consciousness, leave me alone or i won't get any real work done, so then it goes to the idea that these emotions generate awareness in me, hatching, you could see the whole heart just beating away, i don't need you to do anything but listen, map stuff, all of me all of the time, where did you go now?, here i will try and manipulate you with these clumsy tools, the turn yourself inside out move, come back come back i want to play again, slurp, come closer, get away from me, lift me up, i need help, stop that, where am i?, shhhhh, they way you know that one, the too much never enoughness forever kiss of this, wanting wants, 5d nature expressed in undulating narratives which alone are relatively static, the smells we don't have anymore, i don't want the carrot to dissolve, what stories will i tell then?, naked time is mandatory for overall health, just cause i don't call you on your bullshit doesn't mean i don't notice, this goes to the merit of some varieties of neglect, each member of the group was chosen to represent a body part of the subject, it doesn't take a second to feel that pain, your organs are a set of agreements, teachers who hate to learn, the crisis that comes when you see that your value has never been in what you do or try to do, my goodness, the circuit still works, the ability to discern, brilliantcrystalsmoonstonesandopals brand, industries based on exploitive practices, cities designed to facilitate this economy, so cranky, i don't understand, discernement's relation to dissection, physical or energetic tools, concretized versions of concepts, ideas as a form of matter, seriously feel your abdomen, core binarism, not for an hour, puddle of fluid, identifying the layers, labia minora, image of me, memories of kitchens, memories are images r us, i can hardly believe i am actually doing it, whatever hairs that are left, pudgy soil, plump earth, engorged river, pink dolphin kisses, all the aspects of water as a metaphor, symbols as a way to trigger complex angles, nothing there until you notice the feeling of pressure you have from the weight of your own clothes on your skin, teeth showing smile, 

milking the nipple inside your head

my stuffness, piles of laundry, planned abandonment, scheduled disasters, gardens growing with no bees, swollen buds busting with scent, we can keep going so that it will hurt more later, yes we can, then we will have experienced what happens when you need to ween, everything going into everything, neuro chemistry rewards, the feeling of accomplishment you get when you master something, it's all about neuro chemical rewards, you know how much it matters by how much it hurts later, you see, okay, devastating impracticalities, they say do what you love, the difference between my imagination and the everyday, i want it to break fully, the maintenance of the body, i like these stories and how they evoke feelings in me, the warehousing, the disposal, even thinking about it in terms of a reward infers that if you aren't experiencing the benefit of the reward then there is a failure in you somehow, that body is in the ground now, laying on the ground on your stomach in the grass pounding the earth with all your energy until you are exhausted, wet cheeks, pink gel, some squishing, chamber filled with light, exposing the architecture of reality as it already is, singing it out of you, plasma bubbles, milking the nipple inside your head, trying to get other people to do it for you, pain experienced at the identification around a limitation, crucibles as requirements for new formations, the music you sent, ^ what he said, confirmation of delivery, my complex mixing with your complex, at first it felt warm like a hug but then i realized he was coming to put me in a choke hold, lets get really attached, really really really attached, the parameters to what facilitates certain levels of engagement, identifying areas that are not sustainable, i opened up the hatch on the floor and saw that there was a fast running river underneath, the train from leningrad to moscow played national radio, ice cream in winter, all the stories and then all the stuff under the story, expert faux painting as a lost art exalted at one time and represented generously inside the hermitage, don't need words for that, the benefit to mapping and investing in this technology is that you are potentially able to sustain the quality of connection you need for nourishment for a longer period of time, this is where your ability to articulate your awareness comes in very handy, my abdomen protruding as though i am pregnant, mind the winding river, it doesn't care, observe me as i struggle with fear, the unmediated rawness of that just completely destroys things, of course i will feel deep grief  throughout this, it's ongoing, every next evokes the last, there is such a thing at times, intolerance towards intolerance towards the self, does this look like a crisis?, it's horrifying for part of myself to see how satisfied another part of myself is by doing very few things in a day, get a job, the core of liquid metal, ill qualified to support large everyday realities, wetting your shirt with my tears, it's like you wake up in the morning and you grab your shovel, how it looks isn't about what it is all the time, this goes to the the naturalness of compromise, the tendency to only want to live in a dream, trusting that neglecting is sometimes necessary, it is going to take alot of energy to get out of the pull of this vortex, reactions you just can't hide, that be shenpa, and then he drew up a plan, lets be wise together, all levels of crumbling, thought habits, so much is about the nature of addiction and our feeling of powerlessness to meet our own needs, thoughtforms live through you, relationships as a form of vibrational mixing creating a type of sound object in space, so you can see how it is the third, you can each directly look at it, there is no blame,