milking the nipple inside your head

my stuffness, piles of laundry, planned abandonment, scheduled disasters, gardens growing with no bees, swollen buds busting with scent, we can keep going so that it will hurt more later, yes we can, then we will have experienced what happens when you need to ween, everything going into everything, neuro chemistry rewards, the feeling of accomplishment you get when you master something, it's all about neuro chemical rewards, you know how much it matters by how much it hurts later, you see, okay, devastating impracticalities, they say do what you love, the difference between my imagination and the everyday, i want it to break fully, the maintenance of the body, i like these stories and how they evoke feelings in me, the warehousing, the disposal, even thinking about it in terms of a reward infers that if you aren't experiencing the benefit of the reward then there is a failure in you somehow, that body is in the ground now, laying on the ground on your stomach in the grass pounding the earth with all your energy until you are exhausted, wet cheeks, pink gel, some squishing, chamber filled with light, exposing the architecture of reality as it already is, singing it out of you, plasma bubbles, milking the nipple inside your head, trying to get other people to do it for you, pain experienced at the identification around a limitation, crucibles as requirements for new formations, the music you sent, ^ what he said, confirmation of delivery, my complex mixing with your complex, at first it felt warm like a hug but then i realized he was coming to put me in a choke hold, lets get really attached, really really really attached, the parameters to what facilitates certain levels of engagement, identifying areas that are not sustainable, i opened up the hatch on the floor and saw that there was a fast running river underneath, the train from leningrad to moscow played national radio, ice cream in winter, all the stories and then all the stuff under the story, expert faux painting as a lost art exalted at one time and represented generously inside the hermitage, don't need words for that, the benefit to mapping and investing in this technology is that you are potentially able to sustain the quality of connection you need for nourishment for a longer period of time, this is where your ability to articulate your awareness comes in very handy, my abdomen protruding as though i am pregnant, mind the winding river, it doesn't care, observe me as i struggle with fear, the unmediated rawness of that just completely destroys things, of course i will feel deep grief  throughout this, it's ongoing, every next evokes the last, there is such a thing at times, intolerance towards intolerance towards the self, does this look like a crisis?, it's horrifying for part of myself to see how satisfied another part of myself is by doing very few things in a day, get a job, the core of liquid metal, ill qualified to support large everyday realities, wetting your shirt with my tears, it's like you wake up in the morning and you grab your shovel, how it looks isn't about what it is all the time, this goes to the the naturalness of compromise, the tendency to only want to live in a dream, trusting that neglecting is sometimes necessary, it is going to take alot of energy to get out of the pull of this vortex, reactions you just can't hide, that be shenpa, and then he drew up a plan, lets be wise together, all levels of crumbling, thought habits, so much is about the nature of addiction and our feeling of powerlessness to meet our own needs, thoughtforms live through you, relationships as a form of vibrational mixing creating a type of sound object in space, so you can see how it is the third, you can each directly look at it, there is no blame,