i woke up and there were these piles of things all around me almost collapsing, i can't relieve this in a second chakra way, hey vi where is your sketchbook?, i hear the knocking, omg the company is here and the house is a disaster, kissing and crying at the same time, the depth of my laziness, somebody hold me up, morphological parsing, the attempt to manipulate the outside, i can't respond it will start another round of the wheel, i need my sunglasses, paper bottle, shiva under kali, it's the way that energy bulges that creates the 'personality', 44 year long anxiety attack, manastaapah, you have to let yourself draw it, this wholesomeness is disrupting my somatic narcissistic supply, going behind that part that thinks it sees itself, i am taking a weekend seminar on controlling the uncontrollable, yah, even at a distance this energy configuration is having a strong effect on my system, eventually you will need to individuate, all this junk everywhere, this thing isn't going anywhere, right now this is my work, a bath of rescue remedy won't help this one and you know it, boundaries and their value in maintaining longevity and cultivating trust and safety, the value of this kind of music is how it stimulates dormant parts of your brain, keep your shoes on there are smashed jars everywhere in that room, someone who won't objectify me?, what you are is your subject, i must be ready or this wouldn't be happening, the naturalness of this separation, the way you make spaces in between the words how you embody and pronounce them and how that feels, subdued underneath your weight, i am actually a little sami woman, decolonizing is a life long practice, can you hear me?, oh no i don't want to make logos, you are here to help part of me die that needs to die, listening with all my heart, practicing not talking into it, laziness as a passive response to trauma, this rebalancing phase is a bit of a bumpy ride, taking off all these tight clothes finally, it may look weird for a while, maybe totally not doing what you think you should is what you should do, the themes and how they play out overlap and recur, julie messaged me, the thing that will always want to contain the uncontainable,
